THINGS I DON'T LIKE #1: Horror movies these days.

Git-damn horror movies. BACK IN MY DAY, horror movies were hurfn gnurfn bnurr.
Seriously though, there have only ever been a few good horror movies. It's strange; with such a universal audience, you'd think there would be development in the area. Instead, all we get is the same tired scares. There's a REASON people shout "DON'T GO IN THERE" to the characters onscreen. It's because we know that's a stupid idea. We know what's going to happen. After a while, it just isn't scary anymore.
Sure, having something jump out at you is frightening in it's own way--I myself have jumped at loud noises, I'll admit--but it doesn't really scare you at all. It's not scary, it's just obnoxious, like pretending to punch somebody to see them flinch. OF COURSE they're going to flinch. Then they're going to call you an asshole.
Of course, I might be coming from a different school of thought than your average horror movie watcher. I am a total snob when it comes to these things. I like plot, and I like setting and world-building. I like it when the three things come together, and a dissonant chord is struck. I don't really care for buckets of blood, especially if they have nothing to do with anything else on screen.
Take the movie 'Saw,' for example. It was bloody. I felt grossed out when I watched it. And then I laughed out loud when Wesley from Princess Bride sawed his own leg off and said "I'll... COME BACK... for you!"
After a point, blood just stops working as a visual stimuli. It's something that needs to be reserved for punctuation, or else it loses its impact. So, yes, I was grossed out by the lady hacking open the dude's stomach to get the key that would free her from the diabolical reverse-bear-trap. Then I was grossed out by the guy that ended up getting burnt to death because he was lathered in... whatever, kerosene gel or something like that. Then I started grimacing when the chubby guy was trapped in razor wire. Then, when Wesley cut off his leg, it was ridiculous to the point of me actually laughing.
Somewhere between digging in the toilet full of poop for a key and the shotgun booby-trap, I just stopped caring. I wasn't having fun, and I wasn't interested in seeing yet another person get mutilated. It wasn't scary anymore, it was boring. And like that kid who keeps saying "Do you like see-food" over and over again in middleschool, it started to piss me off.
None of these are emotions you want your audience to feel in a movie. Especially a horror movie. Horror movies should grab your attention, and keep you on the edge of your seat. I just wasn't interested in Saw by the end of it (despite the "WOAH!" twist.)
In short, using gore as your conceit is like being that person online WHO ALWAYS TALKS IN CAPS AND USES SO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!! It's annoying, and nobody takes you seriously.
But what makes a good horror movie, if not cheap scares and buckets of blood?
Atmosphere, for one.
Take the movie Coraline, for example. It's a kid's movie, done in claymation by the producer of Nightmare Before Christmas. The main character is a ten-year-old girl who finds a doorway into a magical world. There is no blood, and it's not a particularly jumpy movie. All in all, you wouldn't pick it out to be scary, not in the least.
But by the time the magical world starts breaking down and you find out that it's all a trap so the evil 'other mother' can steal Coraline's eyes and keep her there forever, you start freaking out.
It's all about the nuance, in Coraline. The tension in the story is from noticing that just one thing is off with the situation. It's like when someone you just met comes off as really nice but then says that one phrase that really gets to you. Like the other world, where everything is perfect except for the fact that everyone has buttons for eyes. They don't seem to mind at all, but it really just isn't normal. When the other-mother offers Coraline button-eyes, you start getting weirded out.
Already, the movie is tense. There is no blood, and nothing has jumped out at you. It's tense from the simple fact that something isn't right.
The movie gets scarier from there, examining the other-world as it is truly supposed to be, with all the hostile intent that lies behind the facade. I'd say the movie gets pants-poopingly scary, though, when Coraline sees the other-father at the piano, with the listless hands plonking out solitary notes. It's scary because it isn't right. That isn't how the character is supposed to act; Coraline has been lied to this whole time. It is this revelation that seems truly scary to me, not the blood and spew that Saw relies on. It's the emotion that comes just after the moment of betrayal, when you see the horrible path that lies ahead and you can't do anything to stop it. It's particularly satisfying when the character gets it at the same time the audience does. Sort of an "Ohhh, fuck" moment. That feeling you get where your stomach drops out and there's nothing beneath.
It's not blood, and it's not a jump-out-and-scare moment. It is a revelation. Sort of a knowing that you've just screwed up big time. It's emotions like these that give horror movies their power; emotions that are too uncomfortable to address, otherwise. There are plenty of horror movies and scary books and so on that use them, and they are fantastic. I love them. It's the effortless swill people call 'horror' that uses nothing but buckets of blood and loud noises that really get to me.

I don't have any homework tonight, so...

I thought I'd start a blog. It seems like a hip, young thing to do. And as I am just that-young and hip-I felt it was only a natural progression from facebook telling everybody what I was thinking to telling everybody what I was thinking directly. From the horses' mouth, as it were.
From the English Majors' mouth? That doesn't seem to carry as much weight. I wonder why? (answer: because we are full of all of the bullshit ever.)
Oh well.
One of the reasons I haven't gotten a blog before now is my complete inability to rant on the spot. I get about two paragraphs in and then lose steam. I guess I just haven't found anything that really gets me going yet. Or rather, anything that gets me going when I sit down to blog.
I feel like that's one of my problems right now: I don't have anything I can vomit out on command. Some blogs? They are about fishing. Others? About fashion. My blog has yet to be determined.
Maybe that's a good thing, though. Specialization is for insects, after all. Maybe it's better to go through life without proclaiming allegiance to any one hobby. I've never trusted anybody who has described themselves as a (verb)-er. Any verb. Especially at this age. This is the time to figure out what you want to do with your life; any attempt to pigeon-hole this early has got to be-except in very specific cases-a rash decision. The only thing most of us are qualified to be at this point is 'student.' Learn-er? Maybe. That's all we've been doing for most of our lives.
Still, it'd be nice to give myself over to a group of verb-ers. I know dancers and I know writers, I know skiers and I know horseback-riders. I know football players and I know climbers. They all seem very happy with what they've chosen to do. Maybe I would, too, if I could find my verb. Or maybe that would just be settling?